here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
