I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
