Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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