I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize