That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
