AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
