I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
