I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
