then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
