Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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