the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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