We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
