She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
