I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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