i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
