She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
