You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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