There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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