She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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