im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Panties = found
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