my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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