the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
