Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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