Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
