Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
