im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
