You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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