maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
