Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found puke in my bra..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
