apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
