If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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