Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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