you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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