Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
