At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
