i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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