Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
