My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
