I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
