I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
