So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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