I smell stomach acid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
