i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
