I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
