I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
