My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize