I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
