I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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