Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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