my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
