So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sarcasm needs its own font
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Green mimosas i think yes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
