what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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