I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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