is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
