lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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