the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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