Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
