You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize