either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
