weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
COCAINE IS GR8
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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