You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize