They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
