glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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