It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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