Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
