She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
