Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
