i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
